2024 just be done

Can this year be over? And better yet can next year be better? Sure it wasn't all bad. There were great things too but the 'bad' seems to be dragging out through the whole year. 

I just sort of looked through my last couple of posts to I am sorry if you read them and I repeat myself. I also apologize if some of what I write isn't clear or doesn't make complete sense. Some of what I will write about involves my children and they deserve some privacy and for me not to share all their details. Also I took am a work in progress. I tend to over share and also not say what I need to say at the same time. I have my own issues right now that I don't know how to deal with, and because I am the way I am everyone else's issues are my first priority. Now... I know the analogy of putting the oxygen mask on yourself first and because I have been told to do that I would. However in my situations that is easier said than done. 

In January of this year Miles started having behavioral issues. This included self injury and destruction of property at home and school. It also involved stripping naked however most of the time he was able to know he could only do this while in the bathroom. 

Last school year was his freshman year and he had started at a new school. It was fine until January. I was starting to get desperate. I was asked to come pick him up almost every day from school. They had discussed harnessing him on the bus rides to and from school because he got upset in the bus ONCE. 

I started trying to track all his foods again, hoping there was nothing new we had to add to the allergy list. I took videos as he hit himself in the face or bit his lip so hard it bled. I took as much video and possible and did as much research as possible. I thought it could be seizures. The doctor came to the conclusion that it was just autism and puberty. When tried a medication, eventually I realized it stopped the frequency of these outbursts but many them extremely explosive when they did happen. 

We ended up going to Disneyland right after school ended for the year. Many parts were magical and others would cause me to have PTSD for months. I didn't want to take Miles out of the house for anything. Finally in July we tried a different medication and it made a huge difference. Outbursts still happen, but rarely and it's a lot easier to claim them. I am still wondering about seizures a little bit. 

Also this year Nolan was accepted into the Gifted program at school for reading. That's a positive but he was still getting in trouble at school. We decided that since he already had the GT diagnosis we would seek out an ADHD diagnosis.... and we got one quickly. Now we need to get him test accommodations before state testing in the spring. This way he can have fewer distractions and take more time if he needs it. 3rd grade he continues to get in trouble especially with the specials teachers for some reason. 

Avery is a pretty easy child. He doesn't get in a lot of trouble. He is more likely to punish himself before I do. However that also sometimes makes it hard to parent him as well. His story is more private right now. However attendance and grades have been an issue since he started high school. This year he started out great until he didn't and then is having a hard time coming back from it. I think we found a solution though and I need to start putting that in place. Being a teenager is hard and I am so glad I am not a teenager today. I wasn't perfect, my grades weren't perfect and I make sure to let him know that. 

One of the hardest thing for me right now is that I went to college to be a teacher. I got my teaching license. I loved to go to school (even with bad grades)... and I have 3 kids that don't fit into the mold of public education. Even though I took a lot of classes about disability and accomodations, my kids going to school is not what I thought it would be. 

I am also pretty sure that I couldn't survive having my own classroom right now. The global pandemic was ugly for everyone. I would still love to teach reading intervention. Some day I will do that, it just isn't today. 

Andrew had medical issues when we got back from Disneyland. He had his surgery in July. The wound still hasn't healed completely and I have to be his wound nurse... (Seriously yuck because I definitely don't want to be a nurse). Being his nurse has made me grumpy especially since I have to schedule around dressing changes. 

My friend Becca just received a diagnosis of stage 3 breast cancer. I feel for her and her family. It also makes me a little more scared (and also know it's more important) to go get my own check up. I haven't been to the doctor in years. I haven't been to a general practitioner in forever. Haven't been to OBGYN since 2018, and the last Dr. I saw (besides urgent care) was the urologist in 2018 after my lithotripsy for my kidney stones. I do go to the dentist 2 times a year. I also went to the eye doctor this year. I somehow feel guilty taking time to get medical care. I know I shouldn't. I also need to exercise more and feel guilty too ... I can explain that but it's silly and stupid and I don't want to explain on here. 

One other thing we are dealing with now. My father-in-law was in a car accident. He was on his way to Colorado Springs to watch Avery perform in the State marching band competition. He is ok but the car is a mess and the accident was pretty bad. None of it was his fault. We were actually not too far behind him and had no idea that he had decided to go. It was a last minute decision. We took the toll road and had planned to anyway. But the first we heard of the accident was actually on the band app telling people to avoid the area if the were still on their way. We didn't know until he was released from the hospital.